What Web Novels teach us about China
If you read a lot of web novels you realize there are certain patterns that are there in 90-100% of the web novels from China.
Funny thing is, I would NEVER have had that idea about China if not for these patterns appearing in so many (hundreds) of web novels.
The law is not important
What you can see in nearly ever Chinese web novel is the utter unimportance of the law.
The ONLY thing of importance is, if the guys you know have higher political influence than the guys the other party knows.
Even the best of the web novels follow this. The protagonist might have some powers or is very good in martial arts or whatever. Sometimes - very, VERY seldom - they even win using their brain.
But it is ALWAYS the political network that keeps them out of prison. Always.
My question would be: Is this the normality in China?
- Police man
- You raped that woman, you are arrested!
- Rapist
- But I am relative/friend of Mr. VIP!
- Police man
- Then it is ok, you can go. Do you need our help to kill the woman and dispose of the body?
- Raped woman
- I am the relative/friend of Mr. VVIP!
- Police man
- You raped that woman, you are arrested!
- Rapist
- I am sorry, if I had known, I would have raped another woman.
This seems to be the standard in China. Nobody cares about the law. Networking is everything. It is not important if you commit a crime. It is only important to not offend influential people.
(Chinese?) people are stupid
The Chinese web community and the rest of the world do share some resources, but most of the Chinese web "community" is behind good enough working firewalls INSIDE China. So the web novels should describe the Chinese internet community, not the world's internet community.
Someone says something on the street or on the internet, people have an opinion and 99% just follow what he says.
I mean, yeah, sheep behave that way, right? But humans? Perhaps the schools in China brainwash all Chinese people to be sheep?
It is the most absurd of ways to handle situations I ever heard of.
Some person A says something about Person B.
Now Person B has to defend themselves.
Is this how China works?
You just accuse someone and then he has to proof his innocence?
In the rest of the world, as far as I know it works this way:
The accuser has to give proof before anyone takes him serious.
Not so in China.
The accuser says something, everyone "is in an uproar" and believes it.
Stupid Chinese people.
Tournaments
I have to say, I don't get it. I have no idea what is happening there.
It is always the same kind of stupid story:
People responsible for a certain area (sect, city, district, country, planet, alliance of planets) gather "the best of the best", the young geniuses of the era and then have them fight to the death. Because of reason X. "X" is always something so stupid, I don't care to remember.
They kill most of the geniuses of the current generation. This is so stupid, I have no words. And I have no idea where THAT idea might come from. Is there something really, REALLY bad happening in China? Or are the authors just stealing from each other and all are stupid?
Numbers
Chinese people don't get numbers. They really don't.
In 50% of all web novels I read the numbers switch between mentioning by factor 10 to factor 100000. When it were 200 Million dollars the last time, it is 200 dollars now. 20000 becomes 2000 or 2000000 and no number is safe from these guys.
Perhaps, perhaps it is the fault of the translators. I only read the English version of these novels, so it might be the translators. But I don't really think so. I have the guess that most of China's people have problems with numbers. This should not be possible. As far as I know there are really smart guys in China who can do things we only dream of. So, no idea how this can happen, but I stand with my opinion that a lot of Chinese people don't get numbers. Proof me wrong. Create web novels without these errors.
This is a real problem, because you have to practically skip over any number that is mentioned because is will make you mad if you think the numbers make sense.
How often have I seen something like "15-6" year old girl?
Or when I am told how incredible mighty a corporation is because they mine 600 tons while other corporations only mine 20000 tons in the same time spawn. You start - like in normal books - by reading the numbers and having fun and suddenly nothing makes sense. Numbers (currency, weight, height, distances) just make no sense in 50% of Chinese web novels. Really. It is like 50% AT LEAST!
MIGHT WARRIORS can move tens of thousands of kilometers (or stupid miles) per day, but two bases which are 200 kilometers away from each other need two days to get reinforcement from each other. And yes, from exactly these MIGHTY WARRIORS I just mentioned.
EVERY person who knows basic English reads these books and looks down on Chinese people who can't get basic calculations right. Worse, they don't get the same value right on the same page. From 200kg to 2 million tons in two sentences, only Chinese web authors can do that.
Do Chinese people not understand numbers? At all? It seems so :-(
Chinese people don't value gifts
Whenever someone gifts someone else something, the first and in most cases the only question is: "How much is it worth?"
A protagonist goes to another country into the deep sea and gets something very unique and very beautiful as gift. What is EVERYONE'S ONLY question? "How much is it worth?" "Oh, we don't know the price, it must be worthless, he just picked it up, what a cheap gift it is.".
Don't even think about a bad painting or drawing from a child. If it is not a masterpiece worth a lot, then it is not a good gift for a Chinese person. They don't care about intention or personal time or anything like that. They only value something if it is worth a lot of money.
Possessions
Chinese people look at the car, clothes, shoes, wristwatch and hair cut to evaluate others. If there is no brand on these items, the guy/girl must be of no importance, we can behave like assholes.
There is no reasoning, no checking of comfort or other attributes things might have. There is just the check for monetary value. That's it. If the things you wear were expensive to buy, then you are good to go. Chinese people don't think. They just look at monetary values.
Stars
It seems that all stars in China are prostituting themselves at some point because they have no other way. Protagonists who create corporations where artists can do their job without having to have sex with their superiors seem to be heroes.
It makes me mad to think such a society exists in our current days, but it seems in China you have to be a prostitute if you want to become a star.
"Oh, she wanted to get into that movie without having sex with person x, how stupid is she?"
After the events in the last years, I am not very sure if the rest of the world is different here, which makes me very, very angry :-(
No honor
Chinese people don't really have honor. At least most of them.
How many times have you read about some Chinese guys who see the red flag, listen to a patriotic song and a patriotic speech and are all 100% fanatical for the country and "get red eyes" and whatever.
And then ... like 30 minutes later, the same guys will kill their mates to get a better rank in some irrelevant situation. Not "if I don't kill you, our country will have heavy losses", but instead more like "I'll kill you so I get 10th place instead of 11th place".
Sure, all for the country, right?
The protagonists AND all other persons in the stories kill and steal and maim and lie and nobody really cares. Because the strong ones have the right to do what they want. This is China?
School bullying seems to be the normality for a lot of guys who are not rich or connected. And nobody cares.
Not the other pupils who are not bullied, not the other pupils who could do something, not the teachers. Even the police will just check who has more influence, because ... who cares about the law in China? Nobody, it seems.
Adults who hit children because the children's parents are not influential enough to retaliate? Just a normal day in China, right? Physically attacking someone, emotional abuse, using words to attack, if you are in the "superior" position you can do what you want and everyone will support you because Chinese people like to watch drama, they like to watch when the stronger one abuses the weaker one, when a group of people attacks a single target, when the target is helpless and can't resist... Chinese people LOVE that. Assholes!
Chinese woman don't have feelings
If one guy wants a girl, he will fight the other guy and expects the girl to switch partners.
Really?
I mean.. like... REALLY?
What did you smoke? Or are really Chinese girls all stupid bitches who just follow the strongest? Like dogs?
And if you EVER read something like "he is not worthy of her", you know it is moron time. So YOU get to decide for her, with whom she is together? Your opinion is more important than hers? Did you ever tell her that you think she is too stupid to have her own opinion? That you give a shit about her opinion?
The idea to get the favour of a person by attacking someone that person likes, that is a completely Chinese concept.
Nowhere else on earth would ANYBODY think this makes sense.
Are Chinese people really THAT stupid?
Intelligence is not relevant
Each and every Chinese web novel will have this cliche: The best fighter will lead the team.
This is so stupid, I am not sure how anybody ever could write something like that and not feel stupid. Apart from people who live in caves and think fire is magic.
In "Tempest of the Stellar War" the protagonist fights for 1200 chapters to prove he is stronger than the other guys of the same age. Then he is not taken seriously because he is missing connections. This is the only book I can remember where a whole book full of power struggles and fights are in the end useless, because nobody cares if a nobody can fight well.
Suddenly they think that important positions should not be given to people who can just fight well because that is not relevant for nearly all important positions. Really? Suddenly?
Would YOU want to be lead by the strongest? Why? Are you stupid? Do you live in a cave and being able to use a mace well is what keeps you alive? Really?
All Chinese men are androids
Ok, not sure if androids or just clones with the same default programming or something like that.
Fact is, every Chinese protagonist will never want to have sex with a minor. NEVER! NEVER EVER! But ... one minute later she is 18 years old (or whatever is legal in that story) and she is fair game and everyone wants to have sex with that girl.
The reason for this is of course the programming of the men. Their penises scan the ID documents of the girl in question and if she is not 18 then they don't have the hots for her. Easy to understand, right? Otherwise it would be impossible to not have the hots for sexy 17 year old girls.
All Chinese are perverts
Woman
In these novels, often when a boy watches a girl or just looks somewhere and she happens to be in his line of sight, he is considered a pervert from all good looking and sexy girls (which are the only ones of relevance in all novels, mmm why?).
This means, for Chinese woman a man should never be interested in a woman and never even look at one and never happen to look somewhere where a woman would be in his sight. This makes it clear that all Chinese woman are perverts. Right? Now we have 50% of the population
Men
Now men... that is so easy, I don't know where to start. Whenever there is a female in a novel, the female will be described. And wow, how she is described should be illegal. Size of body, form of face, hair color, length of legs, size of breasts, form of breasts, something more about breasts, always "beautiful eyes", deep expressions in the eyes too of course, which parts of the body are seen, FLESH to be seen is meant here of course, the clothing, the length of the skirt, the color of the shoes, ... you get it? This is the NORMAL behavior of a Chinese guy when he sees a girl/woman! Yes! Oh, it is his 12 year old sexy and hot sister? Same kind of description. She is his mother? Same kind of description! Class mate? Teacher? Aunt? Neighbor's wife/daughter/aunt/maid/slave/whatever? Same description.
It is embarrassing to read these chapters. REALLY embarrassing! Because many men outside of China do NOT look at relatives like that. They just don't. It is not a trick of mind, we are brainwashed like that since birth. Do NOT lust after your sister or mother and behave like a human being towards other woman. You know, China could try that. They do a lot of brainwashing, why not try ethics too?
So, now we have the other part of China's population. All of them are perverts!
Chinese men want to be sluts
Whenever you read about a person who has multiple partners, this person is a bad person. A "boss" who does it with his secretary, even when he is married, a house wife who does it with a friend, even though she is married. Bad persons! Right? Stop! Of course NOT when it is the protagonist.
The protagonist can whore around like a slut, have multiple girlfriends and a wife and everyone gives him thumbs up because this is the Chinese way of life. Right? Being a slut seems to be the Chinese way of life.
Of course there are often these girlfriends who even know he has multiple female sex playthings ... aehm... friends I mean, and these girlfriends are totally ok with the protagonist having multiple bitches because the protagonist is SO manly, it is only natural for him to be a slut. Makes sense, right? At least in China, it seems.
Chinese Stockholm Rape
If a man is good looking and rich and perhaps a bit mysterious (meaning: he does not tell everything and just keeps his mouth shut) then he can make every woman fall in love with him. Every woman! Especially protagonist woman. How? Easy. Just corner them and abuse them sexually. Somehow they will not shout for help or defend themselves for real or sue afterwards. Nope. Never. They just think things like "next time I will show him" or stupid stuff like that. And the more often he abuses her the more she likes it. So... if a Chinese man really wants a Chinese woman, he just has to rape her often enough, then she will fall in love with him. I am so happy Chinese web novels tell me such things. How else would I know that woman minds work like that?
Tsunderes are assholes
If your fat sadistic male boss abuses you, vocally or emotionally or in any other kind, do you think: "what a cute tsundere"? No, you will think: "what an asshole".
If a protagonist is abused by a beautiful girl, everyone is like: "OHHHH, what a cute tsundere". Nope. She is an asshole.
You know, it is easy: If you behave like an asshole, then you are an asshole!
Self-abuse in front of their betters
The following is even worse in Korean and Japanese books but it is bad enough in Chinese books.
Encountering someone who has more power, like the person who manages some persons in a company, the father who OF COURSE has to be respected, the grand parents, someone somewhere who seems to have a good job and earns a lot of money... Chinese people will behave like little slaves, well behaved and subservient, the other one is always right and they will say "yes" to anything the higher one asks them to do. And they will will have these fake smiles they do all the time.
Abuse of power is the normal behavior of everyone and being the target of abuse seems normal for everyone who is below someone.
The idea that respect has to be earned is not something Chinese people understand.
If the parents behave in a bad way, why should you respect them? If the boss abuses his power, why should you respect him? Fear? Yes. I do understand that. But Chinese people do not understand the difference between "I fear your unreasonable behavior and do what you say" and "I respect you, so I will follow you".
They just don't get "respect". Totally not. Not even a bit.
"Giving face" means to allow the other one to do what he wants because he is feared.
"Giving face" and respect have no common ground for Chinese people because they don't even understand the word "respect".
They would NEVER respect someone less powerful, never. Because they only "give face" to people who are more powerful.
I think Chinese people and Japanese yakuzas should get along very well. Talking about honor and respect but behaving like assholes... jepp, three checkmarks here.
No female protagonists
There are no Chinese females who are protagonists on their own.
There is NO book with a female protagonist which is not marked as "Romance", meaning the female protagonist will very soon - often in the first chapter - meet her soulmate and he will protect her for the rest of the book.
He will be strong and rich and whenever she does something stupid he will come to the rescue in the last second.
There might be variants, like the man seemingly being disabled or something like that, but the female protagonist is never smart or strong enough to face her enemies on her own.
Chinese woman are losers.
Chauvinism is the normality
In many Chinese web novels you will see an incredible chauvinism, not even explicit, they just throw a sentence without thought and go on and you are like: ???
Although Sikong Huang was a woman, her resolute and decisive character was unmatched by many men!
-- Immortality Martial Arts: I Started with the Five Animals Health Fist
Lord, some men are actually more useless than women
-- I am the European Emperor
Being first is important
Somehow Chinese people don't seem to be normal humans.
At least the protagonist and the antagonists always NEED to be first in everything. Best in English, best in Chinese, best in drawing, best in driving, best in music instrument 1, best in music instrument 2 and so on.
It is so boring and stupid to read about someone who is best at everything. It is just not possible. I like Mary Sue characters, but there IS a limit to my imagination.
I am not sure where this comes from. And what the meaning is. In so many books it always feels like the protagonist is a worthless scum if he is not able to be better in every skill than everybody else.
Sometimes there is a situation where he already was the best in multiple contests, then someone just creates a new one, out of thin air and instead of behaving at least now, after so much stupidity, like a person who can think for himself, the protagonist will of course go in and accept the new contest which will be totally unfair and should be impossible to win and bla, bla, bla.
It's like the protagonist is unable to stop competing and if his social life is over if he is only 2nd best in anything.
It is totally stupid.
No
Chinese people did not yet find out there is the word "no".
Perhaps someone should tell them.
Hundreds of chapters because the protagonist is unable to say "no". He has a girlfriend and a female friend "forces" him to do something and he is "unable" to say "NO" and so there starts a misunderstanding between the protagonist and his girlfriend or the so incredible important internet community.
Very often the protagonist has to go on blind dates because he is unable to say "NO" to his parents. A 20+ year old person is FORCED to a date with someone. Really? This is NOT "honoring his parents", this is "having no balls". Sorry.
So incredible many situations where the protagonist should just say "NO"! But he never does.
Chinese protagonists don't really have balls. They just pretend and copy the behavior of other people whom they think to be cool and powerful.
Most of all these "I can do skill x better than you" silly kindergarten games could be avoided by a "no". There is no need to tell a reason. Just say "no, I don't want to". That should be enough between adults. And if they don't accept it, ignore them and go away.
But no, Chinese people don't know that "no" exists. Or the authors can't write stories and need the protagonist to miss two balls. Or whatever. It just always feels wrong.
When a simple "no, and no, I don't need to give a reason" should be enough, the protagonist is "forced" into many, many stupid side stories. And NO, it is not funny. I am always ashamed for the protagonist, when he behaves like a little sissy and does whatever anyone tells him to do.
Just read a book where the protagonist solved a world-class math problem, some foreign people want to make trouble and say "we don't believe you did it yourself, you have to proof it to us!". A simple, "no, fuck off", would have been enough, but no, the protagonist accepts what happens.
It is even worse. His professor, who, following the story, believes the protagonist really did the proof himself, does not believe the protagonist can proof his math skills and wants him to proof his math skills to him (the professor). Now, first, this just makes no sense in multiple ways. If he thinks he did the proof this is all about, then - of course - he can proof his math skill. Second, even if the protagonist is bad at proofing his math skills, then what? How does it change the situation? The foreigners are still coming to the proof-your-math-skill-action the professor accepted (because he is stupid and has no balls too?).
And the protagonist should just "NO" to the foreigners and "NO" to the professor. Following the story, he does not care what other people think about him. So... yeah.
Instead he proofs his math skills to the professor. Who now thinks that probably the problem he gave the student is something the student already knew, because he just solved it. You read that correct. The professor gives the student a problem to solve, so the professor can know if the student is good enough in math. The student solves the problem and now the professor is sure the student already knew that problem because... of author/story and no sense.
It is infuriating to read such stupid stuff. It all makes no sense per se and even if it happened the protagonist should just say "no".
Chinese people lie
Chinese people lie. All the time. About everything.
Question: How do you know a Chinese person lies?
Answer: He talks.
In so many stories Chinese people lie all the time. About everything. Really. There are so many situations where someone (often the protagonist) is asked something and tells a lie. Even if it makes no sense. I mean, yes, you did something wrong. Yes. And? So tell them. Nope. NEVER!
It is not just about stupid things with totally unnecessary lies. It is about cheating people too.
Children lie to other children and to their parents, parents lie to their children, adults to adults and the most "interesting" lies will be created to sell or buy something while cheating the other party.
Protagonists have no shame and will use every lie possible to get something 5% cheaper. Getting a "leak" means often to buy something cheap while knowing its incredible high real value. Which means, you are cheating the other person. Which might be ok, if you are trading with people who cheat all the time themselves, but if a rich protagonist cheats a normal person out of the only valuable antique they possess, it tells everyone that the protagonist is an asshole.
Of course not for Chinese people. They lie all the time in each and every trade so they will probably think the protagonist did a great job buying something valuable for cheap while not really needing it.
What is the most used sentence if you go over all Chinese web novels?
"You didn't lie to me?" Or one of the many variants.
But the meaning is always the same. Someone says something and the other party implicates that it is a lie. Because they EXPECT Chinese people to lie. It is the standard. If they are talking, they are lying.
How often did I want to slap the authors out of their teeth when whole chapters go like
- I can help you because reason X
- Did you lie to me?
- No, of course not!
- You are lying to me, you stupid fuck!
- No, I can really help you, I can proof it!
- We all know that you are lying. Stop lying! YES, STOP LYING!
- If I can't do it I will do STUPID-ACTION!
- You are such a liar, we don't believe you!
- Really, you can do anything you want to me if I can't do it.
This all makes so much no sense. But exactly this sequence of "logic" happens so often in many web novels. That guy is dying, the protagonist says, he can help, nobody believes him and they stop him. Now he is willing to do EVERYTHING to be able to proof he can help. Which makes no sense. At all.
He wants to help, if he can't help, the other party is allowed to hurt him?
Whoever thought first of this kind of logic is an idiot. A complete and absolute IDIOT!
I am so tired of reading about protagonists who defend themselves against the "liar" verbal attack while knowing that the protagonist lies without thinking twice in almost every situation.
First, if they don't want your help, then move along. Don't stand there and try desperately to help if they don't want it. Second, don't be surprised to be called a liar if you are a Chinese protagonist. Of course these people know that you are willing to lie all the time.
Because Chinese people lie. All the time.
Three kinds of woman
The ugly girl
Normally Chinese web novels only talk about beautiful and perfect woman.
But sometimes there is an ugly one. Then she is of course nice and a good friend and she will probably die.
But normally Chinese people don't communicate with ugly woman, so they are not part of the stories.
The slut
Yes, we know, Chinese men want to be sluts, so is seems kind of ok that there are female sluts too, right?
These female sluts have - of course - a bad character, are often enemies of the protagonist and never have a good ending.
The jokes
Then there are these beautiful and intelligent woman who adore the protagonist and are A-OK with him having multiple bitches and whoring around because he is so special.
These woman are of course all 100% faithful and will never ever even have interest in other men.
These woman are so smart, they know that it is the best thing in the world to be the plaything of a whoring man slut. Yes, everybody will think highly of these woman. Right?
Funny
Some authors are really funny. (not a rant like most other chapters)
Luo Chuan's thoughts were empty, and he entered a state of unity of nature and man-referred to as a daze.
gods needed some fixed believers, and the religion was essentially a manifestation of ignorance.
-- Witch: Accumulate Experience Through The Knight Breathing Technique
My uncle’s next door neighbour’s great aunt’s younger male cousin from her mother’s side’s older sister-in-law……is part of Wu Wei Manor’s household. How could I possibly be wrong?
-- Prodigiously Amazing Weaponsmith
"[...]such a thing like integrity was only a compromise made out of necessity or a beautiful cover-up, like a convincing mask"
-- Reverend Insanity
"This hand speed matched the power of being single for at least fifty years!"
-- The Legendary Mechanic
"She was very obviously suitable for scientific research as she would never be afraid of accidents happening during experiments."
-- The Legendary Mechanic
"When I grow up, I wish to marry him."
"Idiot. You are a boy."
"Then… I shall let him marry me."
-- Ultimate Scheming System
What? You don’t know what calories are?
Nevermind, just know that calories are delicious. The more the calories, the more delicious the food is.
-- Ultimate Scheming System
“If Kaya does something, yell. Understand?”
“……And are you going to rescue me?”
“Nope. Just going to watch.”
-- God of Cooking
Kaya raised her finger without saying anything.
Of course, it wasn’t the thumb. Nor the index, ring or pinky finger.
-- God of Cooking
This was the perfect moment to practice one of the oldest and most effective strategies in the survival book.
I ran away.
-- Extrasensory Perception System
"System, please explain the current situation."
[ Affirmed ]
[ You are currently very confused ]
-- Fictional Transcension System
'I did not scream like a little girl.... I screamed like a manly man…'
-- The Life Hacker System
I, Snow of the Crimson snow, Hereby I vow to protect, honour and mock his majesty King Taka Everlast.
-- The Life Hacker System
The cute pet looked at the class mates of the protagonist and then at the protagonist.
The protagonist shook his head. It looked cute.
The meaning was: "Shall I massacre them? Not yet!".
-- The Lord is too overbearing
- Yaya
- I wanted to post a joke about Sodium,
but I was like Na, people won't understand.- Netizen
- Post it anyway, most people are smarter than you are think
and will probably understand it.
PROOF ME WRONG
If you don't like what I wrote above, proof me wrong. Don't behave like the normal Chinese internet "community".
Make the authors change their way of writing to something which does not make people think this way.
By the way, I don't care what you think. Really not.
